how to cook a husband
From Kitchen Echoes, a cookbook of "tried and approved recipes" from the ladies of De Smet, South Dakota, 1909, published by the Aid Society of the First M. E. Church:

"A good many husbands are utterly spoiled by mismanagement. Some women go about it as if their husbands were bladders, and blow them up. others keep them constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference. Some keep them in a stew by irritating ways and words. Others roast tem. Some keep them in a pickle all their lives. It can not be supposed that any husband will be tender and good managed in this way, but they are really delicious when properly treated. In selecting your husband you should not be guided by the silvery appearance as in buying a mackerel, nor by the golden tints as if you wanted salmon. Be sure you select him yourself as tastes differ. Do not go to market for him, as the best are always brought to your door. It is far better to have none unless you will patiently learn how to cook him. A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is best, but if you have nothing but an earthenware pipkin it will do with care. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with the required number of buttons and strings tightly sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak. They are apt to fly out of the kettle, and be burnt or crusty on the edges, since like crabs and lobsters you have to cook them alive. make a clear, steady fire of love, sweetness and cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. If he sputters and fizzes, do not be anxious; some husbands do this until quite done. Add a little sugar in the form of what the confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice improves them, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instruments into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir gently watching the while lest he lie too flat, and too close to the kettle and so become useless. You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cold a place."

- posted by pioneergirl at 9:13 PM